Walk softly; carry a d-cell stick - MagLite 5D Cell Heavy-Duty Aluminum Flashlights w/ High Intensity Adjustable Light Beam

This is the 20th-century carbine version of a Moses Stick, with a light. Nothing beats the weight of a D-Cell Maglight when preaching to the Ungratefuls. When you're at hugging distance, you don't need more than 127 lumens. What you need is a light with the added function of ensuring that your message is clearly understood. This lighted communication implement will breach glass and wood barriers that seek to impede your passage. Once you close the distance, your message will reverberate through the bone. This implement has a third added feature: your grip and forearm strength will increase to manly levels.

Pro tip: keep the spare bulb safe in your car. Not in the tail cap.